Deconstructing White Supremacy in Me
An Affinity Group
How it began:
In June 2020 a friend, and the co-chair of the Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Belonging Committee (DEIBC) at a local school asked me if I would be interested in starting a “White Affinity Group,” my original response was, “Hmmmm, I don’t know, let me think about it.” Because part of me couldn’t imagine how I would even do that (where to start? WHUT?) and the other part of me quickly realized that the only way to figure out “the how," was in community with other people I knew and respected.
I felt grateful for something concrete to do, beyond reading and thinking.
I’ve read a lot of brilliant books about race and anti-racism, and in My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem, he talks about white bodies getting together and working through white body supremacy together. Committing to it, for at least two years, building a container, a community to begin the process of working through racial trauma.
That is a “White Affinity Group” I could see that would have value.
Then I reached out to teachers, parents and community members via email that had previously showed interest in this work and then we set out, with a small core group, to start an affinity group. We talked about how to structure it and create a space where we could begin to break down the white supremacy in ourselves. We named the group “Deconstructing White Supremacy” and later a friend mentioned that could sound offensive coming from a group of mostly white ladies. Point taken, so from here on out, we’ll call it,
Deconstructing White Supremacy in Me
And as we began to meet and share our intentions and findings with others we mostly got asked these two questions:
“Why should we separate, shouldn’t we all be together if we’re talking about race?”
and
“Isn’t this another form of segregation?”
And the answer is, no, it isn’t. We often separate into different groups whether we acknowledge it or not. White folks are not included in BIPOC affinity groups. (Even if you have a BIPOC spouse or child or best friend). White people cannot speak from the “I” perspective in a BIPOC affinity group and so they are not for us. Affinity groups exist as a safe space where the members can share freely without inhibition about their experiences and if a white person is there, no matter how well-intentioned, the space no longer feels safe.
“Aren’t we already in a white affinity group, since we’re existing in this world of white dominant culture?” This was my question. This was why I initially said, “Hmmmm, I don’t know.” It felt entitled, like so I really need another space as a white person, don’t I have enough? But the reality is, this is an important space for white people to do the work. To go beyond virtue signaling. White folks need to work through talking about and identifying systems of oppression and white body supremacy with each other, not ask BIPOC to do the work for us (again) by explaining racism or illustrating how it works. We have Google. We have books. And podcasts. And...you get it. We white folks need to go beyond hearing and listen and evolve. And it’s important for us to have friends/group members we can ask questions about race. The dumb questions, the embarassing questions. We need to get better at talking about it and the best people for white folks to talk about race with is with other white folks.
And so that is what we did and continue to do.
Over the course of the Summer of 2020 a small group of us spent many hours on Zoom discussing what to call ourselves, where to start, what to do and how to describe ourselves, compiling lists of resources and talking through all of it.
We came up with a format for our first meeting and then ran through a mock meeting with our facilitators, so that when we ran the meeting “for real” we could be more available to whatever occurred.
We sent out an email to the community to solicit members, here’s what it said:
Dear Community,
We’re happy to announce the beginning of a group, Deconstructing White Supremacy. This group is a place to deepen our understanding of how race permeates every aspect of our society and find ways to actively move forward in the work of dismantling systemic oppression and white supremacy beginning with ourselves and our bodies. We intend to create a courageous space where vulnerability and truth are welcome and supported. All community members are invited to join us but please be aware this space is for the purposes of addressing white supremacy and may be triggering for non-white participants.
For the meetings we will participate in an exercise that will catalyze and direct conversation. There will also be a space for informal conversation. We ask you to commit to at least 4 meetings, please see below.
*And then some logistical details.
We were asked, after sending this email, “Why not just white people? Why anyone?” We did not feel it was our place to exclude anyone. That is not something we felt comfortable doing. That was a choice we made. That choice may not be for everyone, it depends on your group and its needs.
I think it’s probably assumed, but to be clear, we did this for free, on our own time, between all the other things we were doing because it mattered to us and because it felt important, essential even, to our lives.
Quick Summary: The Why of Sharing
A few people have asked expressed interest in starting their own group and asked,
"How did you start? Do you have any advice?"
It's a long story and took time. We were grateful for the variety of resources that helped us on our journey and we offer what we learned to anyone interested in trying to start their own group. We hope it helps. And to borrow a phrase from 12 step recovery,
Take what you like and leave rest.
Below you will find the first four meeting formats and then other suggested topics.
We have found the community we created through these meetings invaluable. We cannot say enough about having fellow travelers on this path.
The meeting formats and further explorations were primarily created by: Janée Gerard, Kim Rowe and Alyson Shelton
They were imagined and executed on Zoom. In person may vary.
****
Deconstructing White Supremacy in Me - First Meeting Format
1. Land Acknowledgement
Each facilitator should write one that works for them, it is worthwhile to create your own acknowledgement and not just copy an existing one. It will mean more to the speaker and to those listening.
Refer to native-land.ca or nativegov.org for guidance and knowledge.
*It was pointed out that facilitators can also acknowledge the land they were raised on and those tribes, as a way to broaden the conversation.
2. Welcome & Introductions
3. The Four Agreements of Courageous Conversations about Race
4. Framing for 1st Session:
5. Color Wheel Activity
Bring awareness to our own emotions. The importance of being in tune to ourselves. We may cover some of our feelings in the daily living of our lives.
-What helps us access our feelings?
-Which emotions are hard to show, where? and with whom?
-What do I need to feel safe?
"Safety is essential, comfort is optional"
*Let participants know that this is being used as a foundational exercise to create a space to share vulnerably. When healing trauma, in this case racial trauma, we must start with ourselves before looking outward.
Questions/Activity
6. Informal Conversation - If time allows.
****
Deconstructing White Supremacy in Me - Second Meeting Format
1. Sing a song
Acknowledge why. Resmaa Menakem mentions in My Grandmother’s Hands that when people come together to have difficult conversations they settle their bodies together through an activity. Song is an ancient way to do this.
Triple Check in - Body, Mind, Emotionally
2. Land Acknowledgement
Each facilitator should write one that works for them, it is worthwhile to create your own acknowledgement and not just copy an existing one. It will mean more to the speaker and to those listening.
Refer to native-land.ca or https://nativegov.org/a-guide-to-indigenous-land-acknowledgment/
for guidance and knowledge.
*It was pointed out that facilitators can also acknowledge the land they were raised on and those tribes, as a way to broaden the conversation.
3. The Four Agreements of Courageous Conversations about Race
*For this meeting we may also want to add something along the lines of: Emotions welcome here. Crying, shaking, whatever your body needs or wants to express is welcome. This is a safe space.
*We realize that during this call you may be sharing space with others. We ask that if they are not sitting and present during the entirety of the meeting they do not contribute comments or thoughts to the meeting.
4. Prompt/Question (to inspire conversation so that we can have the experience of activated vs. settled)
Option A - Have you valued cognitive thought/knowledge/thinking over body awareness/sensation/sensory wisdom in your own life? What are some examples of that?
OR
Option B - Do you privilege mind over body? Do you believe one is more valuable than the other? More truthful? More reliable? What happens when you integrate time and body?
When have you been pressured to have all of the answers?
5. Resmaa Exercise
Audio for the exercise is The Living Experiment Podcast dated October 30, 2019. Episode 102 at 1:27:38 https://livingexperiment.com/trauma-1/
6. Check In
Contrast song as a group, group discussion, and then group in bodies?
7. Close with Song
****
Deconstructing White Supremacy in Me - Third Meeting Format
1. Triple Check in
One word for each body, mind, spirit (emotions)
2. Land Acknowledgement
Each facilitator should write one that works for them, it is worthwhile to create your own acknowledgement and not just copy an existing one. It will mean more to the speaker and to those listening.
Refer to native-land.ca or https://nativegov.org/a-guide-to-indigenous-land-acknowledgment/
for guidance and knowledge.
*It was pointed out that facilitators can also acknowledge the land they were raised on and those tribes, as a way to broaden the conversation.
3. The Four Agreements of Courageous Conversations about Race
4. Follow up from last time
Any practices that supported you or helped you to feel safe in your body, any observations from or since last time
5. Resmaa Excercise
Audio for the exercise is The Living Experiment Podcast dated October 30, 2019. Episode 102 at 1:27:38
https://livingexperiment.com/trauma-1/
6. Goal/Hope for this meeting:
We can begin to recognize where each of our gifts can give to the work of deconstructing white supremacy within ourselves and our communities. We also know this work is difficult, painful, and life-long. The guilt of not doing enough can bring about white shame and immobilize us to long-term growth and action towards deconstructing white supremacy. We can begin to identify which “lanes” we are best suited for and how to deepen our place in the work of deconstructing white supremacy for the long haul.
Journaling Prompts
2. Look at the list of roles and mark some that are interesting for me - address shame and longevity of this work, changing nature of these roles over time
3. Fill out Social Change Ecosystem map as a group and discuss.
More follow up questions to go deeper (pages 5-8)
****
Deconstructing White Supremacy in Me - Fourth Meeting Framework
1. Triple Check in
One word for each body, mind, spirit (emotions)
2. Land Acknowledgement
Each facilitator should write one that works for them, it is worthwhile to create your own acknowledgement and not just copy an existing one. It will mean more to the speaker and to those listening.
Refer to native-land.ca or https://nativegov.org/a-guide-to-indigenous-land-acknowledgment/
for guidance and knowledge.
*It was pointed out that facilitators can also acknowledge the land they were raised on and those tribes, as a way to broaden the conversation.
3. The Four Agreements of Courageous Conversations about Race
4. Follow up
Further processing about your role in the Ecosystem Map?
5. Digging Deeper into Mapping Ecosystem Guide
6. How would we like our group to continue, grow, shift, part?
****
Further Meetings:
At this point, we talked about how we wanted to move forward as a group. What we wanted to discuss. Here are some of the different topics we explored over the next year and half of scheduled meetings. We often used the same opening; The Four Agreements of Courageous Conversations, the Land Acknowledgement and the Resmaa exercise. We encouraged different members to lead the group, which was a great opportunity to share different aspects of ourself with each other.
These topics might be explored with a journal prompt, an exercise or a shared viewing or a reading, it's completely up to you.
~ REFLECTION: What are some times when you have questioned (or knew) that something you were doing (or have done) might be considered cultural appropriation/racially problematic.
~ READ: What's Wrong with Cultural Appropriation? These 9 Answers Reveal Its Harm (~ 10 minutes)
~ READ: The Difference Between Cultural Exchange and Cultural Appropriation (~ 5 minutes)
~ READ: The Dos and Don'ts of Cultural Appropriation (~ 5 minutes)
~ WATCH: Morgan Bullock Clogging (11 minutes)
Having completed these readings, what are your thoughts about the examples you considered above? Some things to ponder and investigate: (taken from Layla F. Saad’s Me and White Supremacy): What is the history that exists between my culture and the culture from which the item originates? What are some of my negative stereotypes and racist beliefs about people from that culture? In what ways am I supporting, protecting, and uplifting people from that culture in my community? Do I understand the historic significance/sacred nature of the cultural element? Is there something like this cultural element within my own culture? Why is it so important for me to partake in this cultural element at the risk of offending people from that culture? Am I receiving either financial benefit or social capital through my use of this cultural element? Does something need to change now that I know more? If so, what? How will you enact this change? What actions have you taken when you have seen other white people appropriate other cultures? Have you called it out? Will you now? Have you yourself been called out/in? If so, how have you responded? How have you excused cultural appropriation as “being not that bad”?
2. Identity Mapping
3. Definition and Personal Journey of Anti-Racism with a Journal Prompt
4. Parenting and Race with a Conversation Prompt
What are the messages you think the child(ren) you care for receives about whiteness, race, and/or systemic oppression. How do they receive them, and from whom? How are these messages different from the ones you received, and, finally, what messages do you hope they are receiving?
AND
Think back to your childhood: what were the messages or stories you received, either directly or indirectly, and from whom, about whiteness, race, and/or systemic oppression. Reflect on media you consumed, lessons in school, events at the time, legacy of family and family members, etc.
5. Ancestor Exercise
Referencing Resmaa Menakem’s Ancestor exercise from My Grandmother’s Hands Discussion about the idea that appreciating our own ancestry and identity could help us when discussing or considering other cultures and appropriation. i.e. if we are grounded in ourselves and where we come from we might be less inclined to want to appropriate.
6. Identity Exploration
Further exploration of the concept of identity. Each member could bring something from their ancestry; a poem, a story, a holiday, an image, a practice or something else. For me (for example) this would mean finding something from pre-Christian Western Europe, ideally something that resonates or speaks to me.
Update
Our group still meets regularly. Sometimes we read a book together. We had wonderful conversations centered around Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer and My Grandmother's Hands by Resmaa Menakem, sometimes we talk about issues that we would like some support around, sometimes we take a walk, and sometimes we have a dinner together. We also have a text chain so we can reach out to each other any time with questions or thoughts. This group is the first place I shared my land acknowledgement from my website and the materials shared here. They are a sounding board, support and fellow travelers on this path, A path I intend to walk for a lifetime. I am extremely grateful to the friend who asked me if I wanted to start a "White Affinity Group." If she hadn't, we wouldn't be here now.
An Affinity Group
How it began:
In June 2020 a friend, and the co-chair of the Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Belonging Committee (DEIBC) at a local school asked me if I would be interested in starting a “White Affinity Group,” my original response was, “Hmmmm, I don’t know, let me think about it.” Because part of me couldn’t imagine how I would even do that (where to start? WHUT?) and the other part of me quickly realized that the only way to figure out “the how," was in community with other people I knew and respected.
I felt grateful for something concrete to do, beyond reading and thinking.
I’ve read a lot of brilliant books about race and anti-racism, and in My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem, he talks about white bodies getting together and working through white body supremacy together. Committing to it, for at least two years, building a container, a community to begin the process of working through racial trauma.
That is a “White Affinity Group” I could see that would have value.
Then I reached out to teachers, parents and community members via email that had previously showed interest in this work and then we set out, with a small core group, to start an affinity group. We talked about how to structure it and create a space where we could begin to break down the white supremacy in ourselves. We named the group “Deconstructing White Supremacy” and later a friend mentioned that could sound offensive coming from a group of mostly white ladies. Point taken, so from here on out, we’ll call it,
Deconstructing White Supremacy in Me
And as we began to meet and share our intentions and findings with others we mostly got asked these two questions:
“Why should we separate, shouldn’t we all be together if we’re talking about race?”
and
“Isn’t this another form of segregation?”
And the answer is, no, it isn’t. We often separate into different groups whether we acknowledge it or not. White folks are not included in BIPOC affinity groups. (Even if you have a BIPOC spouse or child or best friend). White people cannot speak from the “I” perspective in a BIPOC affinity group and so they are not for us. Affinity groups exist as a safe space where the members can share freely without inhibition about their experiences and if a white person is there, no matter how well-intentioned, the space no longer feels safe.
“Aren’t we already in a white affinity group, since we’re existing in this world of white dominant culture?” This was my question. This was why I initially said, “Hmmmm, I don’t know.” It felt entitled, like so I really need another space as a white person, don’t I have enough? But the reality is, this is an important space for white people to do the work. To go beyond virtue signaling. White folks need to work through talking about and identifying systems of oppression and white body supremacy with each other, not ask BIPOC to do the work for us (again) by explaining racism or illustrating how it works. We have Google. We have books. And podcasts. And...you get it. We white folks need to go beyond hearing and listen and evolve. And it’s important for us to have friends/group members we can ask questions about race. The dumb questions, the embarassing questions. We need to get better at talking about it and the best people for white folks to talk about race with is with other white folks.
And so that is what we did and continue to do.
Over the course of the Summer of 2020 a small group of us spent many hours on Zoom discussing what to call ourselves, where to start, what to do and how to describe ourselves, compiling lists of resources and talking through all of it.
We came up with a format for our first meeting and then ran through a mock meeting with our facilitators, so that when we ran the meeting “for real” we could be more available to whatever occurred.
We sent out an email to the community to solicit members, here’s what it said:
Dear Community,
We’re happy to announce the beginning of a group, Deconstructing White Supremacy. This group is a place to deepen our understanding of how race permeates every aspect of our society and find ways to actively move forward in the work of dismantling systemic oppression and white supremacy beginning with ourselves and our bodies. We intend to create a courageous space where vulnerability and truth are welcome and supported. All community members are invited to join us but please be aware this space is for the purposes of addressing white supremacy and may be triggering for non-white participants.
For the meetings we will participate in an exercise that will catalyze and direct conversation. There will also be a space for informal conversation. We ask you to commit to at least 4 meetings, please see below.
*And then some logistical details.
We were asked, after sending this email, “Why not just white people? Why anyone?” We did not feel it was our place to exclude anyone. That is not something we felt comfortable doing. That was a choice we made. That choice may not be for everyone, it depends on your group and its needs.
I think it’s probably assumed, but to be clear, we did this for free, on our own time, between all the other things we were doing because it mattered to us and because it felt important, essential even, to our lives.
Quick Summary: The Why of Sharing
A few people have asked expressed interest in starting their own group and asked,
"How did you start? Do you have any advice?"
It's a long story and took time. We were grateful for the variety of resources that helped us on our journey and we offer what we learned to anyone interested in trying to start their own group. We hope it helps. And to borrow a phrase from 12 step recovery,
Take what you like and leave rest.
Below you will find the first four meeting formats and then other suggested topics.
We have found the community we created through these meetings invaluable. We cannot say enough about having fellow travelers on this path.
The meeting formats and further explorations were primarily created by: Janée Gerard, Kim Rowe and Alyson Shelton
They were imagined and executed on Zoom. In person may vary.
****
Deconstructing White Supremacy in Me - First Meeting Format
1. Land Acknowledgement
Each facilitator should write one that works for them, it is worthwhile to create your own acknowledgement and not just copy an existing one. It will mean more to the speaker and to those listening.
Refer to native-land.ca or nativegov.org for guidance and knowledge.
*It was pointed out that facilitators can also acknowledge the land they were raised on and those tribes, as a way to broaden the conversation.
2. Welcome & Introductions
- Purpose of Group: This group is a place to deepen our understanding of how race permeates every aspect of our society and find ways to actively move forward in the work of dismantling systemic oppression and white supremacy beginning with ourselves and our bodies. All community members are invited to join us but please be aware this space is for the purposes of addressing white supremacy and may be triggering for non-white participants.
- Introduce yourself & what’s good/what’s hard (maybe?)
3. The Four Agreements of Courageous Conversations about Race
- Stay engaged: Staying engaged means “remaining morally, emotionally, intellectually, and socially involved in the dialogue” (p. 59)
- Experience discomfort: This norm acknowledges that discomfort is inevitable, especially, in dialogue about race, and that participants make a commitment to bring issues into the open. It is not talking about these issues that create divisiveness. The divisiveness already exists in the society and in our schools. It is through dialogue, even when uncomfortable, the healing and change begin.
- Speak your truth: This means being open about thoughts and feelings and not just saying what you think others want to hear.
- Expect and accept nonclosure: This agreement asks participants to “hang out in uncertainty” and not rush to quick solutions, especially in relation to racial understanding, which requires ongoing dialogue (pp. 58-65).
4. Framing for 1st Session:
- We are so out of touch with our emotions and how they manifest in our bodies. Reference this map.
5. Color Wheel Activity
Bring awareness to our own emotions. The importance of being in tune to ourselves. We may cover some of our feelings in the daily living of our lives.
-What helps us access our feelings?
-Which emotions are hard to show, where? and with whom?
-What do I need to feel safe?
"Safety is essential, comfort is optional"
*Let participants know that this is being used as a foundational exercise to create a space to share vulnerably. When healing trauma, in this case racial trauma, we must start with ourselves before looking outward.
Questions/Activity
- Which emotion do you mostly exist in, in life? Why did you choose this emotion?
- Which emotion do you least exist in, in life? Why did you choose this emotion?
- Which emotion do you feel most uncomfortable showing? With....?when...? Why?
- What does white supremacy teach us about how we are allowed to experience our emotions?
- What feeling on the wheel is going to help you move through the discomfort of addressing white (body) supremacy? Why?
6. Informal Conversation - If time allows.
****
Deconstructing White Supremacy in Me - Second Meeting Format
1. Sing a song
Acknowledge why. Resmaa Menakem mentions in My Grandmother’s Hands that when people come together to have difficult conversations they settle their bodies together through an activity. Song is an ancient way to do this.
Triple Check in - Body, Mind, Emotionally
2. Land Acknowledgement
Each facilitator should write one that works for them, it is worthwhile to create your own acknowledgement and not just copy an existing one. It will mean more to the speaker and to those listening.
Refer to native-land.ca or https://nativegov.org/a-guide-to-indigenous-land-acknowledgment/
for guidance and knowledge.
*It was pointed out that facilitators can also acknowledge the land they were raised on and those tribes, as a way to broaden the conversation.
3. The Four Agreements of Courageous Conversations about Race
- Stay engaged: Staying engaged means “remaining morally, emotionally, intellectually, and socially involved in the dialogue” (p. 59)
- Experience discomfort: This norm acknowledges that discomfort is inevitable, especially, in dialogue about race, and that participants make a commitment to bring issues into the open. It is not talking about these issues that create divisiveness. The divisiveness already exists in the society and in our schools. It is through dialogue, even when uncomfortable, the healing and change begin.
- Speak your truth: This means being open about thoughts and feelings and not just saying what you think others want to hear.
- Expect and accept nonclosure: This agreement asks participants to “hang out in uncertainty” and not rush to quick solutions, especially in relation to racial understanding, which requires ongoing dialogue (pp. 58-65).
*For this meeting we may also want to add something along the lines of: Emotions welcome here. Crying, shaking, whatever your body needs or wants to express is welcome. This is a safe space.
*We realize that during this call you may be sharing space with others. We ask that if they are not sitting and present during the entirety of the meeting they do not contribute comments or thoughts to the meeting.
4. Prompt/Question (to inspire conversation so that we can have the experience of activated vs. settled)
Option A - Have you valued cognitive thought/knowledge/thinking over body awareness/sensation/sensory wisdom in your own life? What are some examples of that?
OR
Option B - Do you privilege mind over body? Do you believe one is more valuable than the other? More truthful? More reliable? What happens when you integrate time and body?
When have you been pressured to have all of the answers?
5. Resmaa Exercise
Audio for the exercise is The Living Experiment Podcast dated October 30, 2019. Episode 102 at 1:27:38 https://livingexperiment.com/trauma-1/
6. Check In
- Somatic work is hard culturally to stay in our bodies and not necessarily assign emotions/cognitive meaning to it:
- share our after exercise encouraging people to focus on the sensations and not assigning values or emotions to them while they are practicing listening to their bodies - example wet underarms vs. anxious, teary eyes vs. sadness, tight throat vs. whatever
- Open it up to integrating mind/body: How did you feel? Attach emotions/meaning
- Closure: Consider doing some somatic practices in the coming weeks (like the Resmaa practice we did) and notice your experience over time.
Contrast song as a group, group discussion, and then group in bodies?
7. Close with Song
****
Deconstructing White Supremacy in Me - Third Meeting Format
1. Triple Check in
One word for each body, mind, spirit (emotions)
2. Land Acknowledgement
Each facilitator should write one that works for them, it is worthwhile to create your own acknowledgement and not just copy an existing one. It will mean more to the speaker and to those listening.
Refer to native-land.ca or https://nativegov.org/a-guide-to-indigenous-land-acknowledgment/
for guidance and knowledge.
*It was pointed out that facilitators can also acknowledge the land they were raised on and those tribes, as a way to broaden the conversation.
3. The Four Agreements of Courageous Conversations about Race
- Stay engaged: Staying engaged means “remaining morally, emotionally, intellectually, and socially involved in the dialogue” (p. 59)
- Experience discomfort: This norm acknowledges that discomfort is inevitable, especially, in dialogue about race, and that participants make a commitment to bring issues into the open. It is not talking about these issues that create divisiveness. The divisiveness already exists in the society and in our schools. It is through dialogue, even when uncomfortable, the healing and change begin.
- Speak your truth: This means being open about thoughts and feelings and not just saying what you think others want to hear.
- Expect and accept nonclosure: This agreement asks participants to “hang out in uncertainty” and not rush to quick solutions, especially in relation to racial understanding, which requires ongoing dialogue (pp. 58-65).
4. Follow up from last time
Any practices that supported you or helped you to feel safe in your body, any observations from or since last time
5. Resmaa Excercise
Audio for the exercise is The Living Experiment Podcast dated October 30, 2019. Episode 102 at 1:27:38
https://livingexperiment.com/trauma-1/
6. Goal/Hope for this meeting:
We can begin to recognize where each of our gifts can give to the work of deconstructing white supremacy within ourselves and our communities. We also know this work is difficult, painful, and life-long. The guilt of not doing enough can bring about white shame and immobilize us to long-term growth and action towards deconstructing white supremacy. We can begin to identify which “lanes” we are best suited for and how to deepen our place in the work of deconstructing white supremacy for the long haul.
Journaling Prompts
- What do people often appreciate about me?
- What are 5-10 words I would use to describe who I am as a person- my gifts, qualities, characteristics, etc.?
- What feels really easy, good, replenishing for me to give away to others? (ex: food, listening, encouragement, resources, etc.)
- What is harder for me to give away as far as cost to myself/my family?
2. Look at the list of roles and mark some that are interesting for me - address shame and longevity of this work, changing nature of these roles over time
3. Fill out Social Change Ecosystem map as a group and discuss.
More follow up questions to go deeper (pages 5-8)
****
Deconstructing White Supremacy in Me - Fourth Meeting Framework
1. Triple Check in
One word for each body, mind, spirit (emotions)
2. Land Acknowledgement
Each facilitator should write one that works for them, it is worthwhile to create your own acknowledgement and not just copy an existing one. It will mean more to the speaker and to those listening.
Refer to native-land.ca or https://nativegov.org/a-guide-to-indigenous-land-acknowledgment/
for guidance and knowledge.
*It was pointed out that facilitators can also acknowledge the land they were raised on and those tribes, as a way to broaden the conversation.
3. The Four Agreements of Courageous Conversations about Race
- Stay engaged: Staying engaged means “remaining morally, emotionally, intellectually, and socially involved in the dialogue” (p. 59)
- Experience discomfort: This norm acknowledges that discomfort is inevitable, especially, in dialogue about race, and that participants make a commitment to bring issues into the open. It is not talking about these issues that create divisiveness. The divisiveness already exists in the society and in our schools. It is through dialogue, even when uncomfortable, the healing and change begin.
- Speak your truth: This means being open about thoughts and feelings and not just saying what you think others want to hear.
- Expect and accept nonclosure: This agreement asks participants to “hang out in uncertainty” and not rush to quick solutions, especially in relation to racial understanding, which requires ongoing dialogue (pp. 58-65).
4. Follow up
Further processing about your role in the Ecosystem Map?
- Conversation thoughts and practice for those unaware or resistant
- With family & friends
- https://one.npr.org/?sharedMediaId=873054935:875930455&utm_source=npr_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20200615&utm_term=4622474&utm_campaign=news&utm_id=46174323&orgid=96
- We think it's really important to start first from a place of your own ignorance that you once had. A lot of times when we start conversations about justice and social justice with people who may not believe that these issues are important or understand why there's so much urgency around them. We forget that at one point we didn't think there was urgency either. I always advise people to think about what brought them to the point where they realized it mattered, and to share that story. Talk to the people that you care about who aren't understanding this and say, 'You know, I used to think the same way you did. But I know, like me, you care about people. And I want you to hear why I believe differently.' And kind of share your journey.
- I always tell people before getting in a conversation, especially about race, know what you want to come out of the conversation. Do you want your parents to hear you? Do you want them to be more supportive of your efforts? Do you want them to act? Or do you want them to stop doing something that they're doing that's causing harm?
- There's a lot of pressure to start fights with people, to start arguing with people. And what I really need people to do is start collaborating with the people that they know who at least understand that racism is wrong and that there is something wrong with our system, and start talking about real action, putting together little community plans, family plans to make a difference where they are.
- ...recognizing that the fear I was hearing from her was fear that maybe this was going to divide us, that maybe issues of race were going to pull her children away from her...
- https://one.npr.org/?sharedMediaId=873054935:875930455&utm_source=npr_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20200615&utm_term=4622474&utm_campaign=news&utm_id=46174323&orgid=96
- At work
- Compassionate Curiosity Framework
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6Zg65eK9XU
- https://www.linkedin.com/learning/difficult-conversations-talking-about-race-at-work
- Acknowledge and validate emotions
- Get curious with compassion
- Joint problem solving
- With family & friends
5. Digging Deeper into Mapping Ecosystem Guide
- Go through the guide together as time allows
- Make a plan to share more about he guide if we don’t have time to finish
6. How would we like our group to continue, grow, shift, part?
****
Further Meetings:
At this point, we talked about how we wanted to move forward as a group. What we wanted to discuss. Here are some of the different topics we explored over the next year and half of scheduled meetings. We often used the same opening; The Four Agreements of Courageous Conversations, the Land Acknowledgement and the Resmaa exercise. We encouraged different members to lead the group, which was a great opportunity to share different aspects of ourself with each other.
These topics might be explored with a journal prompt, an exercise or a shared viewing or a reading, it's completely up to you.
- Cultural Appropriation
~ REFLECTION: What are some times when you have questioned (or knew) that something you were doing (or have done) might be considered cultural appropriation/racially problematic.
~ READ: What's Wrong with Cultural Appropriation? These 9 Answers Reveal Its Harm (~ 10 minutes)
~ READ: The Difference Between Cultural Exchange and Cultural Appropriation (~ 5 minutes)
~ READ: The Dos and Don'ts of Cultural Appropriation (~ 5 minutes)
~ WATCH: Morgan Bullock Clogging (11 minutes)
Having completed these readings, what are your thoughts about the examples you considered above? Some things to ponder and investigate: (taken from Layla F. Saad’s Me and White Supremacy): What is the history that exists between my culture and the culture from which the item originates? What are some of my negative stereotypes and racist beliefs about people from that culture? In what ways am I supporting, protecting, and uplifting people from that culture in my community? Do I understand the historic significance/sacred nature of the cultural element? Is there something like this cultural element within my own culture? Why is it so important for me to partake in this cultural element at the risk of offending people from that culture? Am I receiving either financial benefit or social capital through my use of this cultural element? Does something need to change now that I know more? If so, what? How will you enact this change? What actions have you taken when you have seen other white people appropriate other cultures? Have you called it out? Will you now? Have you yourself been called out/in? If so, how have you responded? How have you excused cultural appropriation as “being not that bad”?
2. Identity Mapping
3. Definition and Personal Journey of Anti-Racism with a Journal Prompt
- Review What it means to be Anti-racist
4. Parenting and Race with a Conversation Prompt
What are the messages you think the child(ren) you care for receives about whiteness, race, and/or systemic oppression. How do they receive them, and from whom? How are these messages different from the ones you received, and, finally, what messages do you hope they are receiving?
AND
Think back to your childhood: what were the messages or stories you received, either directly or indirectly, and from whom, about whiteness, race, and/or systemic oppression. Reflect on media you consumed, lessons in school, events at the time, legacy of family and family members, etc.
5. Ancestor Exercise
Referencing Resmaa Menakem’s Ancestor exercise from My Grandmother’s Hands Discussion about the idea that appreciating our own ancestry and identity could help us when discussing or considering other cultures and appropriation. i.e. if we are grounded in ourselves and where we come from we might be less inclined to want to appropriate.
6. Identity Exploration
Further exploration of the concept of identity. Each member could bring something from their ancestry; a poem, a story, a holiday, an image, a practice or something else. For me (for example) this would mean finding something from pre-Christian Western Europe, ideally something that resonates or speaks to me.
Update
Our group still meets regularly. Sometimes we read a book together. We had wonderful conversations centered around Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer and My Grandmother's Hands by Resmaa Menakem, sometimes we talk about issues that we would like some support around, sometimes we take a walk, and sometimes we have a dinner together. We also have a text chain so we can reach out to each other any time with questions or thoughts. This group is the first place I shared my land acknowledgement from my website and the materials shared here. They are a sounding board, support and fellow travelers on this path, A path I intend to walk for a lifetime. I am extremely grateful to the friend who asked me if I wanted to start a "White Affinity Group." If she hadn't, we wouldn't be here now.